So, you know when you have a big thing happen in your life and you feel a bit less in control of everything that you thought… For me, a recent-ish devastating break-up happened (yeah, another one).
We were all set to get engaged. He had the ring (that we’d picked out & designed together), I bought a dress, we had a rough wedding date… then it all fell apart.
He was going away on a 3 week OS trip (that he’d had planned for ages) and of course, I knew it would be hard and that I’d miss him. Leading up to his departure I told him cute things (as seriously awesome girlfriends / almost fiancés do) like “I miss you already” & “make sure you keep in contact when you can so I know you’re safe”. Things like that. Mushy stuff, but most likely expected. I mean, we were almost engaged. I loved him! He wanted to propose before he went away, but I asked him to wait. I didn’t want to be all excited and then he leaves!
Well, I suspected things were a little weird when I took him to the airport (parked and waited with him even – which he asked me to do! I was just going to drop him off and go home). He seemed weird, but I thought it might just be him preparing for the long flight, sad to leave me, worried about safety (??), I dunno. I mostly had to guess what was in his head, because he wasn’t good at expressing how he felt… fair enough.
Things were going OK while he was away. He got wifi pretty much everywhere he went so we could keep in fairly regular contact. There was just one point in the trip when he didn’t make contact, which made me suspect that something was going on… But I talked to him and everything was right with the world again.
He got home and things were weird again. We had a big long walk and talk a few days after he got home and he said we needed to “go back to square one in our relationship” he said that I shouldn’t expect a proposal anytime soon. Fair enough. He got cold feet. Quite common I hear. But things only got worse from there… He became more and more distant and told me that he didn’t like hanging out with me and that I was “annoying him” more and more, and that I was getting to clingy and he’d never seen that side of me before (um yeah, you’d never gone away that long before!) but he didn’t think we should break up…. (advice given to him by friends…) UGH!! What was I meant to do? I felt utterly stuck. That’s when a wise friend suggested a ‘one month of no contact’ and then assess where we were at after. I knew it would be super hard, but I had to do something. Being stuck wasn’t an option for me. I had to be moving forward in some way, even if that meant intentional space and time apart.
So the month was difficult, but I was optimistic.
Then we had “the chat”. We met in the cafe that we had our first date in (good choice, bro… haha!). He asked how I found the month and where I was at. I said I wasn’t happy with how things in our relationship had been going, but I was willing to stay together and work on things if we went to “couples therapy”. Anyway, he didn’t want to stay together in the end. What a bozo. See ya later, bro.
That night I cried rather a lot. Hideous crying. Devastated crying. My whole future plans had just caved in. The one I loved with my whole heart didn’t feel the same way anymore.
Then I stopped crying and got on with my life.
I was fairly angry with him for quite awhile (rightly so), and still am a little but I’m MUCH better now. Stronger, in fact.
I’ve been learning lot’s of new things and trying to grow as a person.
Stay tuned for all the new things I’ve been doing…!